Milica cut her veins in Belgrade park: They raped her, and whomever she called that night didn't answer (VIDEO)

- You are overflown by the feeling that you are shut out from the world. You were born at the wrong time, without the possibility to invite anyone to help. That night when I tried to commit suicide, every phone was deaf for me - Milica said to Telegraf.rs, while her hands are still wrapped in bandages.

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Milica Lalovic (26) cut her veins 12 days ago, in the middle of the night in park Sumice on Konjarnik. Some kids were walking there and they saw a dark-haired girl losing more and more blood. Their call to the police and ambulance saved her life.

With hard-earned peace and courage that only truly strong people have, Milica told us what happened that night, and also what happened 10 years ago, when she tried to take her life for the first time. 

- The sadness I learned to live with appeared a month ago again. I tried to find help, I went to the psychiatrist, but besides the sleeping medications and quiet, I got nothing. That day, I had problems with my fiance, so I called him to help me, to settle down. He didn't answer my phone. I went to the park to meet with my friend who didn't come because he didn't have time. I was alone in the park, with the feeling that I was abandoned, even by my own family - Milica started her confession.

She called all the contacts in her phonebook, one by one - she even searched for an SOS number and she found out that it doesn't exist.

- I called everybody, just to have someone to sit with me for 10-15 minutes to talk to me. No one answered or had time for me. I went to the store and I bought wine and razors. I said to myself "I am tired of everything, I want to be at peace" - she said.

The girl who works and studies at the same time has used the razor, making a line from her wrist to her elbow.

- I was always very thorough. That is how I started cutting my veins. But as soon as the blood started coming out, I was sorry that I did it. I wanted to return time, not to die, to live. A self-preserving instinct appeared within me that I didn't know existed. The doctor later told me that I was very, very lucky - she said with a quiet but firm voice.

Printskrin: Telegraf

BURDEN SHE HAS BEEN CARRYING FOR A DECADE

First thoughts to end her life appeared 10 years ago - when she was raped and when she had to be quiet about it.

- I was 16 years old when I was attacked in the busy Krusevacka street. It was night, all the windows on buildings were wide open. No one stopped or got out to help me. That was the end of my childhood and the beginning of anxiety, pain, and nervousness. One of the traumas I was forced to swallow is to keep quiet and to move on - she said.

With all the cooperation with the police, the perpetrator was never arrested. She later found out that he raped 10 girls before her. If one of them stood up, none of this would have happened. That is why she is speaking today.

- When you are raped, you lose the power. You have a feeling that you no longer have the control over yourself, over your actions. People around you can't and won't understand. And you no longer want to be there, you need to run away somewhere where you will be protected. I was only 16 and I believed that the only way to make it all go away is just to fall asleep. I took my mother's medications. I wanted to be sure - Milica said.

Her boyfriend found her in time, and her gratitude to him will never fade away.

- My problems didn't stop there. I was attacked many times after that. That is a pain a person has to carry within, and when people feel it in a strange way and then they disappear. Everybody who was with happy Milica, who works and studies, acted as if I was contagious like I will give them some disease. I am not a negative person. What happened in Sumice was an incident and I know it won't happen again because no one is worthy of my life - she spoke about the condemnations that no one has the right to give to her.

Printskrin: Telegraf

SOMEONE HAD TO SPEAK UP 

Milica is aware that the road she has taken is slow and hard.

- I was happy to be alive, to play piano, that I am able to give language lessons, to study, paint, but it happens that the same feeling comes over me several times a day. Then I try to sleep through it - this future journalist said.

She tries to make it easy for herself when she is awake. She placed the most beautiful roses in her room and the laughter of children comes through the window of the nearby kindergarten. Her phonebook is significantly smaller, and her engagement ring ended up in the river. 

- People are simply not worth it. My ex-fiance was not worth it. A girl of the unknown man (24), who was lying next to me in Laza and whose arms were also covered in bandages are not worth it. Especially the people who call me today who say that I don't call them anymore. As if I did that to them, and not to me, as if I will hurt them, if I was able to do that to myself - she said.

The only thing that can give her pain and experience a meaning is the message to all other girls and boys that they are not alone.

Printskrin: Telegraf

- Someone had to speak up. The girl which was attacked or the person who tried to kill herself. Any of them should read my words and try not to injure themselves, and I will be happy. Everything will have a meaning. You are not alone. We are not alone. 

- I wanted to say to all the young girls not to be influenced by the society, that the only way for men to accept us is to sleep with them. It's enough to be yourself. If someone doesn't accept you that is not your problem, but theirs. A lot of very young girls sleep with guys before they are ready, and that leaves emotional traumas. My opinion is that they shouldn't do it, even if that means that they will spend some time alone or with friends - Milica said.

(Telegraf.co.uk / Dunja Savanovic - d.savanovic@telegraf.rs)